Fortress of Solitude

 

 

 

 

 

It is interesting what or whom, I guess that would be a more accurate word, to remind you of things.  It was brought to my attention tonight, not the first time it has happened, but nonetheless, it was brought to my attention that my life, my being, and my purpose are not at all about me, they are in no way mine.  God gave me life.  God gave me my being.  God gave me a purpose.  So why do I let me get in the way.  Why do I let my emotions, my feelings, my issues get in the way of what God wants me to do.  It is NOT about me.  John 3:30 says "He must increase, but I MUST decrease."  If I am to be the light of Christ and share this light with others, why do I let my personal feelings get in the way.  If someone has hurt me it doesn't matter, share with them still.  It does not matter who it is, family, close friends, anyone.  It doesn't matter how I feel, it is not about me so get over yourself.  GET OVER YOURSELF Alexis.  It is not easy, which is why I still have issues with it when it comes to certain people in my life.  There are people who have hurt me, but you know what, as much as they have, what is worse, for me to have to swallow that and share God with them or to let them leave this earth go to hell and have pain eternally knowing I didn't do anything to try and change their path.  There is nothing that no one could have done that is so bad that I should just watch them walk straight into hell.  Im keeping this personal because I need to know this too.  If you are reading this and you have been hurt by someone and that is hindering you from sharing God and the love of Christ with them just get over yourself.  It isn't easy, but it is necessary.  No one deserves to go to hell without having heard the light of Christ, and for someone to share that light with them who they know they have hurt might just be the best way to reach them.  Well, a brief phone call with my father brought this on, in case anyone was wondering.  I hope that this can help you, whomever it is that I am talking to that is reading this, to get past any similar situation you may be dealing with.  God bless.

ADVISORY-READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Thats my disclaimer

Imma fitting to rant right now, so it may get harsh in some areas.

 

 

But seriously, every year you hear it, resolutions to stop drinking, stop smoking, get in the gym, eat better, lose wieght, or even spiritual resolutions, get closer to God, advance your spiritual walk.  Unfortunately, the spiritual resolutions, or goals, usually suffer the same fate as the health and weight related resolutions: they work for january, maybe february, if you are lucky you get into march, then at some point before the summer hits, the resolution goes flying out the window.  Dont act like you dont know what im talkin about, you have done it, dont be ashamed either, we all have, i have definitely done it, and many times at that.  I wont even bother to get into why resolutions fail.  Rather I have decided to just say what i think and feel and let it be.

As the new year approached i started hearing the usual buzz around the christmas dinner table, the watch night services, candle lighting services-the buzz of this is/these are my new year resolutions. I thought to myself, im not bothering with that this year, it usually profits me nothing, but disappointment when i realised that the same resolutions i had the last year i have again this year.  So i went all "ba hambug" (if that relates) on the whole resolution thing.  But it started to bother me, because there are things that i want to change and goals i want to accomplish.  So i decided to think about how i could change my "resolutions" so that i actually accomplish them and stick with them, forever.  And i realised that was the problem, resolutions seem so limited.  Think about when you resolve a problem.  You may resolve a situation, but it can come up again, and again, and again even.  So i realised the problem starts with the word itself, it limits your thinking.  You say okay this year i want to do this, and if you dont accomplish it you just set the same "resolution" next year.  So i thought about what i would want my "resolutions" to be.  They are: to get more serious about my schoolwork, get back in the gym and stick it out for the real long haul this time, and to get closer to God and experience substantial spiritual growth, continually.  So what i realised in realising what i wanted to accomplish, is that these are not just goals for the year, these are goals that will change my life, and are positive things that should be continual.  That is when i realised why not, instead of making new years resolutions, make life changing revolutions.  Rather than putting it in a box of a new year resolution, make a well thought out decision to make a change in your life, forever.  A revoltion within yourself.  So that is what i have done, i have made decisions to revolutionize who i am, rather than resolve to do things in my life.  What i have done to achieve this is in the terms of my schoolwork, develop a schedule so intense and take a course load so deep that i have no choice but to follow the schedule, really put my back into it and the blessed work done.  In terms of my gymming, i found a gym partner that is equally and probable more intense, motivated, and able to understand the differences between he and I.  And for my spiritual revolutions I need to pray and fast more, get deeper into His word, rely more on His voice than my own thinking.  So like i said, dont make this a year filled with unfulfilled resolutions, rather make it the start of a revolution within yourself, a conscious decision to make a definitive change in your life.  So stop making new years resolutions and start making life-changing revolutions.

So another Christmas has come and gone and this Christmas I have learned to appreciate the ones I love a whole lot more.  Having been away from family and church folk alike, and especially being away from the one I love for the past four months has naturally brought me to a point where i appreciate them all a whole lot more than ever before.

 

For my family,

Thank you for all the support, particularly in the area of finance.  Beyond that i have realised how great it is to have a family that loves and supports one another.  In the past i may have taken my family for granted but having experienced life without them for a while i realise now how much i do truly love and care for you all.  I know that there will never be a moment where i wont feel your support and love.  Though we may have differences as do all families, realise that life is too short for petty grudges and if there are broken or burnt bridges it is not too late to repair or rebuild them.  Never take each other for granted.   I have never felt more appreciative of my family.  I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.  And i will never take you for granted again. 

 

For my friends,

Okay i dont think i really take you guys for granted.  I appreciated and appreciate you guys through all.  For those of you like Kendia, CJ, Tiny, Kayla, Shavan, Mark, John, and others who have randomly dropped me lines even while i was away the past semester, I thank you.  It is great to have that link to home and church especially.  Thanks to Judy and Carlos for continuing to email me with the progress of the Praise team and CLub 513 respectively, helps me to feel like i am still a part of you guys though i may be miles away.  To anyone i may not have mentioned by name, its all good, there are too many names to remember anyway. 

PS to my Acadia, IGCA, RHBC, BOT peoples do not feel left out, there is much love for you guys as well, but you have had me for the past four months, so this aint for you.  Notice i still did shout you out though.

 

For Paige,

You know i love you and from now on I cannot imagine spending Christmas without you.  This having been our first Christmas together, it has been an amazing one and we set a high bar for all the Christmases to come.  I thank God for greatest gift He has given to me next to Jesus.  You are a beautiful and amazing person.  Seeing as this is quite public I wont get too much deeper.  But you know that I love you and i appreciate you about ten levels more than before.  I will definitely never take you or your love for granted.

 

Seeing as this is now beginning to hit true blog levels, i shall end now.  I hope all of you guys had a great Christmas and were not too caught up in the gifts and whatnot to forget the true reason for the day that we celebrate, not Junkanoo, not the food, not the gifts, but the gift that God sent us which is his son Jesus.  Merry Christmas to all and to all Good night!!

Hey this is just a shout out to the entire RHBC.  Yall did a great job in helping me celebrate my 21st birthday.  Though I could not spend my birthday with my family and friends back home, nor with Paige, you guys made me feel at home.  In the whopping three months that I have known you random people we have really grown close together and the last two days have really been a testament to the bonds that we have made so quickly.  You all went out of your way to make my brithday special.  So thank you all.  Also I want to shout out Paige, who probably called me about four times on my birthday and sent me an email, and her mum who called and sang me happy birthday (i really felt special).  Thank you and I love you .  Oh and thanks to everyone in the choir who told me happy birthday as well, all 40-something of you, that was cool, i felt like the center of the universe. No seriously I DID, everywhere i turned someone else was telling me happy birthday, and i loved it.  Thanks to Ian as well who called and sang me happy birthday at almost 3am i think it was, thanks dude.  Also thanks to my family, my sis and my mum and my brother who all sent their wishes, even if meant through voicemail like my brother did, just to make sure he told me on my birthday.  Thank all of you so much for making this a very memorable birthday and one that i will never forget.  I love you all so much, thanks again.

 

PS:  WE RHBC People are INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So I put a poem up here on my space about a week or two ago, one that I had wrote dedicated to Paige, and she wrote something in response that i would like for you all to see.  The title is destiny.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

Destiny

To my Man of God, my husband to be...

How I wish you could see how much you mean to me

You came into my life...unsuspectingly changed my life

One of the agents in helping set me free...

You called me beautiful...saw your future in my eyes

Subsequently through trials , hurt and pain....together we must strive

I look at you ...I think of you, not perfect ...but couldn't be more perfect to me

Even if one day we are not together...If you are happy baby I will be

Love...what an awesome decision...but growth in love takes time

What God will do in us...I cant merely fathom it yet...I cant imagine

The lives and souls and hearts we can touch

Through the perfection of our talents

So from your woman of God ...your Nubian Queen

Prepare your life for Kingship...prepare to be my priest

Through prayer, faith, supplication and obedience

 Onlywith these can our mission be complete

We must never forget ...This is not fate...But choice

Because it is destiny!!!!